I have bipolar disorder.
I am 30 years old, married, with one beautiful daughter who is four.
I was misdiagnosed with just depression at 16 and have been battling mental illness ever since.
I finally feel like I am getting the upper hand and I want to share this part of my journey with anyone it may help.
First let me say it took years of medication adjustments, doctor adjustments, and therapist adjustments for me to find the right mix to get where I am today. I am blessed to have a wonderful support team in my husband and mom. Also where I am today is far from perfect, but things are so much brighter looking.
Lately though I have been realizing that there is a step, that is all my own, that I have been missing. Things that I have to do for myself. The last piece of the puzzle for me is remembering or even discovering how to live my life now that my illness isn’t consuming it.
It’s harder than you would think. I’m learning daily how to recognize what helps my mood, what hurts it, and how much my illness is effecting my moods vs normal emotions. Part of the time I feel crazy and over analytical and other times I feel exhausted and indifferent. Sometimes though, I feel like my emotions are 100% in tune with the events of my life, happy, sad, or what have you. Those moments, even the sad ones are really something special. Actually sometimes the angry ones are my secret favorite. More about that later though.
I’m also working on realizing what I am capable of. I’ve needed a lot of help for a lot of years. Lately I have been trying to decide which things I actually need help with and when asking for help has just become a habit.
Mental illness is awful and hard and exhausting. But getting back into life outside of mental illness has been a whole new experience. Surprisingly equally hard and exhausting, but also slightly thrilling.